u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
