Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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