I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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