So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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