i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
