we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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