how hairy? two words: wookie tits
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
