I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
