if you like me you must not know who I am
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
