I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
