it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
