I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
