took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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