i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
high people should be assigned attendants
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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