i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
