you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
