I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
