I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I still have a little drunk in my system
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
