i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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