last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
