you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
