New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
