Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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