Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
