shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
