He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
it's like heaven, but drunker
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
