he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And the cops told us we were all naked.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
