he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
