i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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