Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
