If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize