my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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