I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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