omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
