Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
