If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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