I wanna passion pit in your ass
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
