i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
