Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
