I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
is it fun? or sober?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
