I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
