a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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