There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
