so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
