Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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