I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
