since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
