His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
