ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
