who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
