did you get engaged???
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just forgot I was standing up.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
