Your tits are I can't wait for
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
