Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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