why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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