So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
