i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
