My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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