Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
meet me or not, i'm out of control
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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