like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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