I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
