If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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