i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
