you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
