There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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