I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
