Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
