flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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