Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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