just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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