He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
